Struggles in the Wilderness

Struggles in the Wilderness
September 15, 2018

I have taken a long time before writing my first post. I started my book the Spring of 2015 and this blog was created in the Spring the next year. It is now September of 2018. I started out three years ago with so much energy and enthusiasm. I finished a first draft of my book and was hoping to publish in the latter part of 2016.

My book is part autobiography, and part Theological reflection on the idea of life difficulties, God’s sovereignty, and how to overcome life’s problems. I reflected on the lives of such characters as Moses, Joseph, Job, and Jesus. I have not continued writing for over two years because I feel unqualified. I do not mean unqualified in the sense that I do not have life experiences in the areas of difficulties, but I feel unqualified in the sense that I do not yet have the answers to living a full, deep, and abundant life.

I was born with a rare eye condition known as Optic Nerve Atrophy, I have faced difficulties in every area of life, socially, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and physically. Six years ago I woke up one morning and could not walk. I could not walk for 13 months and slowly I gained some leg strength so I can stand and walk short distance. I did not find my first job until age 31, and that was a part time minimum wage job, but two years later I had my first full time job. In December of 2006 while my dad drove me home from college, we were hit from behind by a drunk driver, and our car was totaled.

I need to start somewhere, and this is that somewhere. I have a few basic truths that I know for sure. I know there is a God, and I trust that God is both sovereign and good. I have seen God provide in ways I never thought possible such as my first part time and then later full-time job. There is a promise in Scripture that I cling on to and it is:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:11-13)

God has a promise to give us hope and a future. His plans are not to harm us, but to prosper us. We will find Him when we seek Him with all our heart. I am still in that journey of seeking God, and knowing what it means to live a full, deep, and abundant life.

I have still so many doubts and questions and am a long way from finishing my book. These posts are my reflection and journey of entering into a life that is fulfilling and abundant. I am not there yet.

I end here with my prayer for the journey:

Our Father in Heaven, great and wonderful is Your name and character. You have done amazing things in my life and I thank you for the many ways you have provided. Yet, still, I have so many doubts, discouragements, and questions. Jesus promises that He came so that we may have life, and have it more abundantly. (John 10:10) You have promised that You will give us hope and a future, that we will find You when we search for You with all our heart. (Jeremiah 29:11-13). My prayer is that I would find You, that I will find how to live a life that is full, deep, and abundant. As I remember You in all that I do, I trust that you will direct my paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6). I look forward to the good things that You have and the many stories that will come that show how awesome and wonderful You are.

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